Three Places of a Hurting Friend’s Pain
- You: You did offend them – even if you didn’t mean to. It’s not what you say, but what they hear. They are responding to their hurt.
- Them: It is them. They are wrapped in their pain and don’t respond appropriately or kindly.
- Both of You – There is a misunderstanding. One of you misunderstood with the other was saying.
I knew I hadn’t hurt my friend on purpose, but I realized it could be something I unintentionally said, a misunderstanding, or her pain. So when I got home I texted and asked her if I had offended her. I assured her of my love, and told her I would be praying.
Three Responses to Being Hurt by the Hurting
1. Let Love Cover
Can you move past it? Can you forget it and move on? If so, do! A test of whether or not you have truly forgiven and forgotten is how you feel towards your friend. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
The only man who behaves sensibly is my tailor he takes my measure anew every time he sees me, whilst all the rest go on with their old measurements, and expect them to fit me. George Bernard Shaw
2. Confront
Do it for Jesus! My husband did a favor for a member of my family. I thanked him and he winked saying "I didn't do it for them - I did it for you."
We don’t love others so they will appreciate us or reciprocate. In doing it for Jesus we release the hurting friend from the obligation to love us well in return.
3. Swallow the Hurt
Don’t pick this response – ever! It’s always the wrong answer. By not covering or confronting the sliver of hurt in your heart with grow. It will zap your joy and eventually hurts your relationship with others and with God.
Question: Why do you think confrontation is so hard?
I have an ugly memory of a time I went to make amends with a sister and it blew up in my face, pastors involved, hate all around. To this day we side step one another. My intention was good, my words, unintentionally hurtful. Conflict is hard for me because I go in swinging and wearing a suit of barbs. Don’t hug me if you know what’s good for you… Not that I want it that way, but if I sense a conflict brewing, I start praying I can be honest, yet kind. Not always successful. Your post really got me thinking, which is why the loooooong comment. Thanks.
I have been more of a porcupine to those I love that I would like to admit – especially when my good intentions are misunderstood. Oh that I do what I don’t want to do and don’t do what I want to do. Can’t wait for heaven when we will all be in our holy suits and conflict with be a distant memory!